I murdered the dance floor call the cops
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
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