I'd wear matching sweaters with you
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
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