I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
There's even glitter on my cock...
Randomize
