She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
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