why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
