Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
I just googled if crying burns calories
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
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