I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
Randomize
