My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
Randomize
