what if every blade of grass was a penis?
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
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