I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize