at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
