No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
Randomize