So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
Randomize
