There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
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