Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
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