Pappa wants mamma naked
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
I have feelings that need drinking.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
Lo siento on account of my penis...
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