Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
I touched a dick in church today
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
Randomize
