My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
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