I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
Randomize
