Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
Randomize
