my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
the night ended with taco bell and tears
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
Come back. Shots need mouths.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
Randomize
