You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
my nose is crying tears of wow.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Randomize
