Porn is love you can see.
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize