I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
it's like heaven, but drunker
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
Randomize
