then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
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