OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Randomize
