I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
Randomize
