yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
Randomize
