hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
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