opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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