I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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