Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
No more Irish car bombs ever.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Randomize
