if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
Randomize
