I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
Randomize
