I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
How many fucks given?
0.12846
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
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