He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
Im just a social blackout drinker.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
did i just pee glitter
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