Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Randomize