I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
Randomize
