just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Randomize
