I'm so fucking centered right now
Yes because finding a guy to give head to is pretty difficult.
I mean not really
Obviously that's why it was a joke you are so stupid it's impossible.
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
