I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
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