It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
Randomize
