So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
you inspire me to be a worse person
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
Randomize
