I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
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