Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
