he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
