When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
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