Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
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