he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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