We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
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