Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
Randomize
