I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Randomize
