Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
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