sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Randomize
