he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
Damn victory sex feels great
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
How naked do you want me to be?
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