The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
