Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
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