swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
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