My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
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