last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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