So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
This is my gift to your gina
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
Randomize