She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
so let's talk penis.
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
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