girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
Randomize
