if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
Randomize
