i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
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