I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
