Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
Randomize
