So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
Randomize
