Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
Randomize
