My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
Randomize
