And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
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