this beer tastes like vomit already
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize