actually, I'm a sock model
Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
Randomize
