You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
